Prop 8 and the Marriage Conundrum

Having been in a long relationship and being single now after the death of my partner, I find myself feeling lots of different things on the subject of same sex marriage.

Of course, I'm for it for equality's sake. I want us to have the same, the very same, rights as everyone else in this society. We shouldn't have to live in this state of second class citizenship that we've been forced to accept.

So, as far as that goes, I'm in favor of having the ability to marry if we want to do so. Particularly for all the rights and benefits that marriage (on BOTH a state and Federal level) afford anyone who is able to avail themselves of that legal status. And let’s face it, if we don’t have a Federal right to marry, we don’t get much out of the states that do give us that right.

When my partner died a few years ago:
I was hit with taxes up the wazoo. If we’d been a married couple, this would not have happened.

I was not able to collect his Social Security benefits, nor was I even able to collect the pittance they give as a Social Security death benefit. Because we were not allowed to marry.

I did not have access to the more than one thousand rights that married folks have – the first class citizens, that is, the straight people.

I could not collect the death benefit from his job at a University – nice liberal-thinking institution. Liberal except on this issue.

There was a lot I could not get because we were not allowed to marry.

Am I angry about that? You bet your ass. But anger undirected is worthless. So I try to channel it into better things.

Would we have opted for marriage if we'd had the chance? Who wouldn't want the legal benefits and protections?

However there’s a lot about marriage in general that gives me an awful icky feeling. There’s something there that smacks of assimilation. And if there’s one thing I’ve never been, it’s an assimilationist.

I’ve always believed that gays and lesbians are unique – and created to be unique. We have a part to play in the wider world. And we shouldn’t dilute our power by aping heterosexuals in every way. There's a unique gay sensibility but that's a topic for another time.

Equal rights, full equality, sure. Assimilation on every front, no.

Gay History Month

October is GLBT History month. I've always found that a little curious. I kinda thought it should be June. But, hey, this gives us two months -- and good weather ones at that. June is Pride Month and October is Gay History Month.

This site: http://www.glbthistorymonth.com/glbthistorymonth/2008/icon.cfm?id=2 has lots of information.

It's an effort that was started in 2006 and dedicates each day to a different GLBT icon.

Here in Philly we'll celebrate with Out Fest on Sunday October 12 and I'll bring my trusty camera again for some of the more titillating sights.

Mad As Hell! Sexism & Outrage!

The video speaks for itself:

Mr. Philadelphia Leather -- November 2007

Philadelphia Leather Weekend celebrated the 25th Anniversary of the Mr. Philadelphia Leather competition as well as the 15th Anniversary of the Ms. Philadelphia Leather contest. Four men competed for the Mr. Leather title but there wer no female contestants for the other title this year.

ScottDaddy, a long time member of GMSMA, won the title and Andy Liu, a member of the NJ Eagles MC and a super hot guy was the First Runner up.

The evening was filled with a lot of fun and hot fantasy sketches which contestants are required to produce as part of the competition. All the guys came up with inventive (fucking Smokey the bear?!) ideas and carried them out with élan.

There were speeches, jock strap competitions (one of my favorite parts of the evening) and more.

This year, between parts of the contest, a magician entertained the crowd and the fact that he was a hunk didn’t hurt.

The judges included John Loesch, last year’s title winner, Chuck Nankivell – Mr. New Jersey Leather 2007, boy robi – Ms. New Jersey Leather 2007, Mr. NYC Eagle 2007 Rick Weber, and Mr. Eagle DC 2007 Joe Hurchick. One mystery judge chosen by lot from the audience was CJ, Mr. Woods Leather 2005.

The contest was hosted for the fifth year in a row by Ryan Goldner and Carlota Ttendant. Once Mr. Philadelphia Leather 2008 was announced, the producers had a surprise for the audience: Carlota Ttendant was named the honorary Ms. Philadelphia Leather 2008, as recognition for her tireless support of the leather community. This was a popular choice for the crowd which gave her resounding applause and a standing ovation. Co-producer Jim Kiley-Zufelt said that although Philadelphia had had a number of amazing women who’ve won titles, since there were no competitors this year, they thought the award could be used to honor someone who works all through the year to raise money and spirits in the gay and particularly the leather communities.

See it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i21JFMRI3OQ

Indigo Ball & Way Gay U -- October 2007

Once again this year, I went to the Indigo Ball. Jason came with me and looked beautiful in his tux. I decided on a red vest and quite liked the difference it presented at the ball. There were few mavericks from the black and white standard. Jason’s vest and tie were a tasteful gray, which was also different. After last year, when I wore a white vest, shirt, and tie, I swore I’d never do that again (unless there were some kind of rule imposed). And I was happy with the choice I made.

I always feel a little bit of awe walking into these affairs – not because I don’t feel I belong. Au Contraire, I belong. I was one of the Founders. No sense of hauteur there – just a fact. I was there in the days we were scrabbling around for a space, for respect, for a place in the larger community. I was there. I helped make history.

So, my awe comes from the fact that history was made. We, so long ago, did something that hadn’t been done before and here we are now – celebrating in tuxes and gowns, in a glittering setting, with music, and the respect of the larger society.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a long, long way to go. The heart of the human is a labyrinth that seems truly unknowable. We’ve made our way in, now all we need do is find our way to the center. Maybe with a little tinkering…

This year’s Ball was held in Liberty Place, which is an interesting setting however not made for easy food service. But we won’t go further on that topic right now.

Saw lots of old friends, the music was good, and the atmosphere was modern, elegant, and different.

Teaching at WayGayU

I taught a course on short story writing at the community center’s cleverly named Way Gay U – a place where courses on a variety of topics are offered.

I had a small class but that’s what you want when teaching a writing course – otherwise not all the students get heard. This was just right.

We had a great time and the class gave me an opportunity to think about writing from a different perspective.

OutFest – October 2007

To celebrate National Coming Out Day (October 11), Philly holds a great street festival called OutFest – a big, big block party in the middle of the gayborhood.

This year’s festival was reportedly the largest ever. And having been there I can atrtest to that.

There were a lot of hotties – and I was lucky I didn’t get whiplash as I looked from one to another.

I spent some time at 12th and Spruce where the Country Dance stage was set by June the Woody’s DJ who rocks the house every Friday and Sunday while men, and a few women, two-step and take part in line dances. I can two-step now, thanks to frined Jason, but line dancing. What planet did these guys grow up on? My feet just won’t follow the rules. And how many damned steps are there anyway. And even worse, how can so many of these guys remember all the intricate footwork that is necessary for a hundred different songs? Michael and Scott, two of the teachers (you get free lessons on Firdays and Sundays before the real dancing starts) have tried their best to teach me. All I remember is that my feet end up tying themselves in knots and bringing me perilously close to landing on my ass.

Whatever. It’s beautiful to watch. All that gorgeousness dancing in synch to different tunes, doing the Texas Cha-Cha, and Backtstreet attitude, and more. I love watching. And secretly, I’m envious that I just don’t have the courage to try. But we won’t go there. Not in this entry.

Outfest was infested with Christians. This time there were more of them than I can remember. They had little outposts everywhere throughout the festival ara and some of them even decided to parade through the grounds. Now, I believe in Freedom of Speech and Assembly – but these fuckers are treading on shaky ground here. No matter what the Pennsylvania Supreme Court said.

Of course, these should-have-been lion food, idiots never really get anywhere. They preach and most people don’t listen. Many argue with them, though as I said to someone it’s useless. It’s like arguing with a brick. And this year some of the festival people had wonderful noise-makers which I intend to try and find before the next festival. These little devices effectively drowned out the message these hate mongers were spewing.

Now, why would I want to go and do that? Because, if even one newly-out person hears their message of hate and is hurt, I am offended. These festivals are meant to be places where we gather and celebrate ourselves and our lives. And I’m certain that more than a few people come to these festivals as one of their first acts as a newly out person or as a questioning person, or a person who is exploring and testing the waters. If they hit the wall these so-called Christians set up, what hard does that do to their development? How much of a layer of guilt does that add to their lives?

So, yes, I will interfere with their message. They have plenty of other avenues, plenty of other venues. Let them spread their poison elsewhere. As for me, I stand against them and will fight until they go away once and for all.

As my late partner used to say, “This is their last gasp. They’ve lost.” And they just don’t know it.

Author Talks and Men of Mystery in NY – September 2007

I was the featured writer at the gay community center Library’s Author Talks series.

That was fun – got to read from a number of the books I’m in. Lots of nice people.

The next day I hopped a bus to New York and their gay community center where I attended a panel of gay mystery authors: Neil Plakcy, Anthony Bidulka, Mark Zubrow, and Chuck Zito. I’ve corresponded with some of them and have become online friends. But hearing them read from their works was a special treat.

Verizon: Do It Yourself! or FiOS Fizzles – August 2007

Thinking of getting Verizon’s FiOS service? Think again. I called in because I was angry woth Comcast and set a time to have Verizon come out and install their FiOS service.

The guy took all day – literally an eight hour work day – to do something which even he said should only take a few minutes.

Admittedly he was sort of a hunk is a funky, ham-handed way – but I loved watching his big fingers playing with my keyboard. His swarthy face and beautiful eyes and lips were also easy to watch.

However, it quickly became apparent that he was having some kind of trouble and it took hours and hours to resolve. The only good thing was that he staye a long time, left, and returned. All the while I was thinking how I coluld turn this into a scene from one of those service men porn flicks.

Didn’t happen.

And, as it turns out, neither did the FiOS service. Oh, I had it set up but the service was intermittent and I couldn’t get anything done.

OK, I thought, they can send someone to fix this.

Wrong!

They refused to send anyone. They kept telling me that they could bnot “justify” sending anyone out.

Here, I found was the Verizon trap – they will not service the service! They expect you to take direction over the phone OR give up control of your computer through the Verizon lines. (Like that’s gonna happen. Let them romp through my hard drive? Hardly! Well, OK, if they sent a hunky service man and he wanted to do some other romping first, maybe I’d entertain the idea. But first things first.)

It turns out, then, that Verizon has a “do it yourself” policy when it comes to service. And they don’t pay you at the same rate they pay their workers. In fact, they take your money and let you have the pleasure of dealing with problems.

So, not even three days after I ordered service. I had it pulled out.

Of course, it took five months for them to figure out that I had indeed canceled within the prescribed time and that they should not be charging me for service.

GNI -- August 2007

Went to GNI again this year – it was fun. Though I have to admit, it has lost some of its luster. We scheduled ourselves for the second half of the week – lucky thing. It rained for the entire pre-week and first half. From morning till night, from night till morning. And, as nice as the guys in my cabin were – I’d have gone stark raving mad if I’d been shut up with them for all that time. Not to mention soggy, mildew-ridden, and ill tempered. I don't think there's anyone I could be confined with especially due to rain. Which is not one of my favorite things.

They had a great fireworks show to close the week out – but I got hit in the eye with a piece of detritus from one of the displays. That hurt!

The talent show was particularly good this year and I was pleasantly surprised.

I’ll keep attending, I suppose. But somehow, my enthusiasm is not as high as it once was.

USnightmAIR -- July 2007

Returning from Montréal was not an easy matter, when using USAirways – it seems that nothing is an easy matter when using that so-called airline. The executives andmiddle management folks at that company need to graduate from using crayons and poster paper to learning how to read and write, understand what a business is, get to know a little about capitalism and how that works, and then they need major courses in learning decency, how to treat people and their plans with courtesy and respect, and lots more.

Will they? Will Hell freeze over?

We were scheduled to leave on an early evening flight. Enough time to get us back to Jason could teach his class the next day. We took a taxi to the airport and that cost $40 (with the exchange rate being what it was, it might as well have been US dollars).

Got to the airport all smiles. (Well my stomach wasn’t smiling, it never does before flying.)

Smiled all the way up to the check-in counter. At this counter the woman told us that the flight had been canceled. In fact, it had been canceled hours before.

NO ONE had called us to tell us the flight had been canceled. They had the numbers to call. They just… didn’t.

I stood there looking at her in disbelief. But she wasn’t joking.

Even sweeter, they could not get us on a flight until 6:55 the next morning. That would have given Jason enough time to get to his class but he’d be tired as we’d have to be at the airport at about four in the morning. But we settled for that and went back home.

Another $40 taxi ride.

Back to the city. We had no choice but to wait. Had a nice dinner and then tried to get to sleep early, since we’d have to get up early.

In the wee hours of the morning, we got a call. The 6:55 AM flight had been canceled! What a record USAir was racking up.

I then got on the phone and for two hours tried making an alternate reservation so that Jason would not miss more than one class. Two hours later we had a reservation for a flight later that evening.

Of course, when we arrived, we got to the gate and I was told that Jason had a seat but that I did not!

Panic mode. The assured me that I would get on the flight but with their record, I didn’t believe them. They said they had “volunteers” enough to get me on the flight. I took that to mean they had people who volunteered to be bumped (because the rewards are so great) and that I’d get on the flight.

That did not inspire confidence. So, when they announced boarding, I went to the front of the counter where the airline rep was taking tickets and checking ID and I stood right nest to her so she wouldn’t forget I was there. I didn’t budge, instead I just stared into her eyes whenever she forgot and glanced up at me.

Eventually, a supervisor must’ve taken pity on me. He ordered her to give me a seat. I have to say that he was one of the most devastatingly attractive men I’d seen. And I’d have gladly rewarded him for his good deed.

Of course, the trouble didn’t stop there.

When we arrived in Philadelphia, the baggage for fifteen or twenty passengers seemed to be lost. A number of bags had been thrown up onto the conveyor belt and began their almost endless rounds. When one fat and unattractive bag was chucked out like a piece of bad meat, the bag slammed onto the conveyor belt and everything stopped.

No more bags were being sent out. Fifteen or twenty of us stood there looking, as though if we stared hard enough the damned belt would get moving again. It didn’t.

We kept staring. The belt did not respond. Eventually we became restless. But no one seemed to know what to do. We stood there dumbly for forty-five minutes.

Then I spied a large long counter with a huge sign overhead: USAir Baggage Information.

Foolishly I thought this would be a good place to start.

I went to the USAir Baggage Information counter where 3 “workers” were sitting, talking, and laughing. When I asked a question, they seemed bothered that I interrupted them (they were there obviously not to answer questions but to chit chat. I realized that they were kind of a USO act but not for beleagured passengers). But I wanted information.

I asked one of the clerks if he could check to see if the plane was still being unloaded or whether it had finished. We’d been there forty-five minutes and it was a reasonable question. He frowned and didn’t really care what I’d asked. He said, “Go fill out a baggage claim.” And refused to look up any information or make any calls though he had a computer and a phone at his disposal. I suppose having them and knowing how to use them are two different things.

I looked over at the claims room – yes a WHOLE room – and there were hundreds of bags, hundreds, all around the floor flowing over everything, with a tiny walkway so one could enter the large glass enclosed claims room and fill out a paper which they probably would shred later.

I decided not to do that just yet and went back to the carousel – not a happy, pretty-horse carousel, but the one that wasn’t getting our luggage to us.

One woman said that she’d been on the flight with her granddaughters and they’d gotten their bags and she hadn’t. We all shared similar stories. It seemed that maybe one whole cart of luggage was left behind and we would indeed have to fill out claims forms.

After another half hour, I went to the clerk again and asked if he had any further information. He said that he did not and that I should fill out a baggage claim. I refused again and returned to the carousel.

About 15 minutes later someone from USAir made an announcement about baggage but it was impossible to hear clearly. So I went to that same clerk, who had been sitting there the whole time (I know because I watched him), and I asked him if he could tell me what the USAir announcer had said. He said, “No. I wasn’t here.”

When I went back to the clerk a fourth time, along with quite a number of people from the flight, he just told all of us to go fill out baggage claims. He refused to look up information or give any assistance whatsoever. Just flung out his arm, index finger pointed in the direction of the sea of bags.

We all trooped over there and stood in line. Now we were trading outraged remarks. Composing letters we would send and just generally venting. We stood in line for twenty minutes at the claims office (which had a line of more than 50 people) when the granddaughters of the woman came running up to say that there had been a jam on the conveyor belt and that the bags were now coming out.

Why did that clerk not know this? More importantly, why did he refuse to try and find out anything? What was he being paid for? Why were there two other workers there also being paid?

I found out later that USAir has the worst lost luggage record: 9.62 reports per 1000 passengers and an 81% increase in complaints each year

It is considered by Forbes to be one of the Top Five worst airlines - On-time performance: 68.3% (third worst), Baggage mishandling: 9.2 per 1,000 passengers

Philadelphia is one of their hubs – they operate something like two thirds of all the flights out of the city. There are more than twelve-hundred flights daily. This means they lose approximately three to four THOUSAND bags a day!

Take a look at these:

www.youtube.com/findtheyeti

http://www.usairwayslostmycostume.com/

Montréal – Le Village – August 2007

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Montréal Fierté -- July 2007

I went up to Montréal with Jason to celebrate Pride and just to relax. Their Pride celebrations are not to be missed. Fierté is usually the first weekend in August but this year the people who run DiverCité which is the overarching Pride organization, decided that they couldn’t handle all the activities they were sponsoring and a parade as well. So they were about to cancel the parade when a group of people stated that there could never be Fierté without a parade.


So they organized, got permits, and held a parade the weekend before the actual DiverCité activities. And instead of one Pride day there were two, one following hot on the heels of the other.

And it was wonderful. From the guy in the Roman soldier costume, to the drag queens, to the strippers on floats – it was an ecstatic parade. Our friend Brian marched under the banner of his title: Mr. Rubber Montréal and it was fun to see him strut down the street.

It’s impossible to covey the exuberance and the sheer joy that the crowd displayed as well as those in the parade. And Montréal is the type of city where people of all stripes and orientations come to celebrate the lives of others. So far, the gay pride parades I’ve see in that city have been attended by homosexuals and heterosexuals alike. And, many of the heterosexual couples bring their children along. Can you spell enlightened?

As the parade continued its march down Boulevard Rene Levesque, the crowd joined in and marched along to Ste. Catherine where the bars lining the street would hold celebrations late into the night.

The day before was a huge street festival – Ste. Catherine was lined with booth after booth representing all of the many groups Montréal has to offer. From a gay aerobics group to ethnic groups to much more than most other places I’ve visited.

We had dinner at some great places, saw some prime strippers who were as friendly as ever I remember them to be.

Gay Night at Six Flags Hurricane Harbor Water Park -- July 2007

While in New York at the Eagle, Jason picked up a brochure about a gay night at Six Flags Hurricane Harbor and decided he wanted to go and see what it might be like. Jason has enlivened my life and gotten me into things I’d never imagined doing. And I’m glad and grateful. Not that I’m a stick-in-the-mud, but we all have issues with ourselves, don’t we? Jason has begun to force me to face some of those issues and attempt to grow. He’s got a long way to go with me but I’m a willing student.

Trusty old friend that I am, and curiosity/adventure seeker that I also am, I agreed to go along. I had my doubts about what it might be like and also wondered just what kind of demi-gods attend such events. I’d seen circuit boys and party boys, go-go boys, and just plain old bar patrons at some other events and occasions I’d attended. But this, I thought, might attract a different crowd.

We arrived after a longer than expected drive and pulled into the nearest (which was a long drive in itself) parking lot to the Hurricane Harbor section of Six Flags where the gay night would take place. Both of us were taken aback by the price they charged to park. But what choice did we have? We’d already paid for the tickets. We saw other gay guys parking and unpacking themselves from their cars. And it didn’t look like an intimidating crowd in the least.

Next came the “crossing the entry” phase. Entry from one part to another is restricted because you can’t do the whole park on one ticket. They are huge megaplexes – different areas, different themes, different entrance fees. These theme parks are a strange breed of entertainment, though I’d been to versions of these parks (their less muscular and far less capacious ancestors) and this had a similar feeling. But there was some indefinable difference also. It was kind of haunting.

The strangest thing I noticed and felt on a visceral level occurred as we passed the turnstiles and began to cross what looked like a bridge between the mundane world and the land of Six Flags. The voice of authority came over the hidden PA system and wafted through the air telling the day patrons that it was time to leave because a special, pre-ticketed event was about to take place. As we walked across this bridge/road, there was a steady stream of straight families going the other way, back into the mundane world. Strange looks were exchanged, they undoubtedly knowing that gays and lesbians would be filling up the park, and we all wondering what these people could be thinking.

There wasn’t any tension, at least not on the surface, but there was an inexplicable weirdness about the moment. As if one group of passengers had been asked to leave their nice quarters to make room for a different class of voyagers. And, in some way, that’s true.
We made it across the bridge. Went to the booth to claim our tickets and there I was confronted with the gaily gorgeous and the gorgeously gay. Hunks, of the outdoorsy type, picking up tickets so they could ride the rides and stroll the grounds. They wore their knee-length shorts as casually as if they’d been born to the aristocratic beach life. I looked around wondering if there were a magic bathing suit salesman who could gave me a suit that would hide my extra pounds and fill in the few wrinkles that had crept up on me. No luck. I tried wishing my way into a new look. No luck. So I decided to just accept myself and my twenty extra pounds and those few flaws that I’d gotten over the years.

We went into the park and watched the guys enjoy some of the rides and attractions. There was the Cannonball, Wahini, and the Jurahnimo Falls seemed like the most frightening – though it probably wasn’t all that bad. It’s a kind of water slide, actually a body slide, three separate ones as part of the same “ride” – that deliver your body over and under and around until you come flashing out the other end at bullet speed and plunge into the waiting water. It was interesting to watch gay guys of all stripes from twinks to hunks submitting themselves to this. They’d enter one end and then when released you could hear them screaming all the way through to the other end, where, eyes bulging, throats raw from screams, they would be pumped out into the waiting water. Oh, yeah, I was gonna try that. Not!

Or, Hurricane mountain which features two or three person toboggans which were hurtled through waterways with heart thumping speed, all passengers screaming, as the toboggan came shooting out and into the water.

Maybe you’d like the Big Bamboo Reef Runner or other rides – all a little tamer, all equally wet. My choice was the Blue Lagoon – a gentle wave ride where you could sit in an inner tube and float peacefully through. But it was not open at first and by the time I did see some cuties floating around, we’d decided to leave.

We walked around – the grounds were nice, the clear night punctuated by screams of fun, and the moon was big and silvery bright. We sat and watched a number of small groupings attempt the various rides, or some little hotties, wet and sometimes scrawny but still attractive, running delicately through the park in search of towels or something else.

Elsewhere in the park, the disco was getting going – loud and raucous – and, at least when I looked, not well attended. But I was sure that, like moths to a flame, the boys would cluster in the dance area. And sooner rather than later, the energy high, they would whirl and gyrate, jump and jangle, until everyone glistened with sweat.

At some point we decided to leave. I don’t know if the “party” was that well attended. I just remember seeing the same guys over and over as we traversed the park. But it was fun, the air was refreshing, and the men were cute.